Well it's been a painful 7-day stretch for me. Went on a mission to the city for business and to kill some brain cells last Wednesday night, and I caught the flu while trudging through pouring rain and knee deep puddles. How's that for Karma?
This week, I've been slammed with unexpected work that needed to be done "yesterday" so I had to kick ass and take names. Not too big of a deal for me; I make miracles happen, baby!
Now the real pisser of all. I've sworn off Internet Poker forever, yet again; so I've basically been without ANY action for over a week. FUCK, I've got a mean fiend to hit the green! I am committed to going to the card room tonight, so maybe I'll stumble into a new sporting adventure.
I've also got a jury duty summons comming up in a week (I think). This is only my second call for jury duty ever, but let's all hope and pray that I get called first. A couple of years ago, I got called and had to sit and wait for an entire day to find out that we had to come back yet again tomorrow. The most agonizing part of the entire matter was listening to the morons drone on and fucking on with answering the god damned question. "Can you be an impartial juror?" says the judge simply. The average response was "Ohhhh, well yes. Well I think so, well hmmm. I would hope that I could be impartial... I mean, yes, uhhh..." You get the idea.
One woman almost burst into tears when she faced that penultimate of tricky questions. Finally, she lightly sobbed, "I don't know if I can be impartial, but I'm really not a bad person." Her whole diatribe of indecision took over 20 minutes but that wasn't a whole lot longer than most.
This is the indecision of the vast majority of the morons in the world. It might even be you so don't shake your head lightly. Something about the foreign nature of being called by "a judge" (oooooh, weeee, oooooh) and sitting in a well crafted wooden chair next to said scary judge; just turns otherwise semi-reasonable human beings into their true form of blubbering indecisive idiots.
He who hesitates is lost. There's a more complete truth than anyone could ever top. Like all those people that just meander around and take their time doing whatever. Fuck that shit. Move your ass or get the hell out of the way! I have places to go and things to do and you're in my way. Waste your own time, not mine! Get with the program, Gomer! Quit blocking traffic for 80 cars in rush hour while you are determined to make an obviously posted illegal left hand turn! MAKE 3 RIGHTS!!! Use that lump of shit three feet above your ass called a brain. Don't punish the world for your fuck ups!
In a world without complete morons, I can actually get across town in 20 minutes; with complete morons, it's closer to an hour. That's 40 minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back. What's worse, I can't sue for that blatant thievery. People piss and moan about how cigarettes take years off your life, check out the DMV sometime! I went into the DMV one day 5 years ago and it was like seeing Hands Across America. Fuck that shit, I haven't been back there since. Lines will steal much more of your life than smoking Johnny Cougar style ever could!
What's the moral? Get moving, have a reason, and know what you're doing BEFORE you do it. He who hesitates is lost! Remember?
3:30 on the second day of Jury duty: "Mr. Schoonover, do you think that you can be impartial?" says the judge. Me, "No." "I'm sorry, did you say no?", says the suddenly hearing impaired judge G. Pyle. "Yes, that's correct. I can't be impartial in this matter," says me; did I fucking studder? I wasn't trying to get out of serving, I was being completely honest and to the point. Not beating around the bush, wasting precious time that will never come back or hoping that people don't think I was a bad person because I have an opinion. No, I think that we can all pretty much agree, that is not the case.
That gangsta dopeman was guilty of slinging crack beyond the shadow of any doubt in my mind. I didn't need any trial to convince me of that. I didn't need a bunch of Gomers sitting around analyzing "evidence" and discussing the remotest possibility that Ice Cube didn't actually sell those dime bags of cocaine. If a drug charge goes to trial, that pole choker did it; otherwise it would have been plea bargained away. Cut to the chase scene, do society a favor, shoot that fucker in the head and bill his family for the bullet. Shoot the public defender in the head while you're at it. He must be lonely to take that case to trial. I make no apologies what-so-ever for who I am. Shit, I love being me. "Do you think that you might be able to review the facts without bias..." drones on Judge Pyle, blah blah blah, blah, blah blah blah. "No, I can't be impartial in this case", says me. 10 seconds later, I'm excused and out the door to try and salvage as much time left before I die. Total time waiting, 13 hours; average time waiting on each and every moron with a decision complex, 15 minutes; total time in that chair for me, 1 minute 30 seconds.
Try and remember that the next time that you're playing cards (or doing anything for that matter). Make a decision and keep moving. Don't punish the rest of the world for the sin of your indecisions.
RAISE!!!
Oh, how I'm looking forward to jury selection next week. I could have that process down to 20 minutes; all the way to the verdict and sentence.
Nicholas has left the 3s